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A Recap of Birthday Wishes
Wednesday, July 4, 2007It’s easy to figure out why I would write something about this. Fine, don’t greet me. Your greeting is not edible, anyway.
If my feeble memory serves me right (which it doesn’t), my parents would take me to children’s parties. I would play with the mascots. My first birthday wish when I was 6 years old was to have the perfect 
children’s party–a Jolibee party with all the mascots around me and play with them. I could never be happier.
I didn’t want to be just an ordinary scientist when I was 7 years old. I wanted to be an astral physicist. I didn’t care what that meant (and I still don’t) but I sure liked how it sounded. On my seventh birthday I asked for a chemistry set– and it came true. I got test tubes and water color. I would pound the juice out of blades of grass, fill up a tube with pee and try doing some mad scientist experiment.
When I was 8, I wished that I become a Chinese Emperor, after watching "The Last Emperor of China." The story was about a kid who became one. There was this scene when he was arguing with his friend while in the middle of the crowd. When he couldn’t stand it anymore, he walked out on him. What fascinated me is that he walked ‘through’ the crowd–they all kneeled before his presence as they cleared his path in a very royal (or should I say "Imperial") kinda way. I promised to myself that when I grow up, the whole world will kneel before me. Dark, huh? Well, too bad for me, it didn’t come true.
It was just about after that birthday when I noticed that my dad ain’t hanging out with us anymore, and on his birthday February the following year, my mom spilled it. I was about to wish for them to come back together, but due to some complications that mom patiently explained, I wished that they’d never get back together. So far so good, they’re still apart the last time I checked.
Life didn’t come easy on us after their separation. I would imagine how my dad, who was one of the higher-ups in Meralco back then, would frown everytime he would give out our measly monthly support, like it was our fault that this happened. I’d catch my mom locking herself inside her room, weeping silently because she didn’t want us to see her in such misery. We feel how much our Mom loves us in every glass of juice she makes, every dish she prepares, and every sleepless night she spends when we’re sick. My heart would break everytime I see her this way. While me and my other 3 brothers were able to continue schooling alright, but other than that, we barely had enough money (actually we were way short) to get through the day. My shoes were all worn out and my school uniform’s stained with ketchup.
But I was smart back then. This is the only leverage that I have against those who’d make fun of me. I was tormented by my classmates who never got tired of bullying me, the class reject, because I was a wimp and we were poor–not like the rest who’d get all the toys and the clothes that they want. I would escape to a quiet space inside 
school and cry on my knees. I would cry, and no one would hear. No one has come to my rescue. Perhaps no one will.
When I go back home, I’d pretend to be happy and start telling clumsy stories on how I got my bruises and wounds. My mom would scold me for not being careful. I’d cry a little but then take solace from the fact that at least, my mom will not have to carry my burden anymore. When everyone’s gone, I would sneak in to where the medicine cabinet was and wipe my tears off while I clean my wounds. As I fall asleep, I know that tomorrow…oh, I don’t wanna know anymore.
So on my 11th birthday I wished that we become rich: may be my mom would no longer have to cry. May be I can buy a new pair of shoes. May be I’d stop being the class laughing stock. May be I can stop pretending to be happy. May be I’d stop crying.
A year has passed and I have yet to see the silver lining behind the cloud. On my 12th birthday I wish that they’d just die, period. My dad, my oppressors, and all the rich kids, no exemptions.
High school was an improvement but the same old banana. It was during high school when I first felt that I had friends who made me feel "needed". Friends who’d take the time to care. Those who will defend a wimp like me. But because I didn’t have money, I was often left out when they go out and may be go malling together. Sooner or later I was unconsciously pushed back farther and farther. On my 13th birthday I wished that I have enough money so I can live a normal life…have normal clothes, have normal friends. But then I had A. Garcia,my bestfriend. Who would need them? As high school life went on, I gained even more "real" friends (those who I won’t think twice in greeting and hugging if we meet inside a mall or something.)
UPCAT was just a week before my 16th birthday. I really wanted to go to UP because it was the best, so they said. If that meant that I’ll get to have classmates who will not alienate me and start treating me like a real human being then it is paradise, indeed. College was great. It was where I felt I belonged: nice people, no bourgeoisie environment to fit into. And friends who make you feel more than needed–but wanted..pretty much just like my old besty.
When I turned 19 I wished that I get married to one of my college S.O.’s (significant other) in the future. I worked as a student assistant, and later on as a tutor. Part of my savings were kept so that when we get married, I’d have money to spend for her medications. And may be a little house away from the busy city. Just me and her. Oh well sh*t happens and let’s just say that I sure am happy that this wish didn’t come true. I’ll make sure of that.
Now at 23, I’m not exactly at that point where I can say I’m well off but I’m sure glad that my mom’s very happy right now with her new husband, and my brothers are really doing well themselves. May be it’ll take a little longer for me to start my own business and raise a family but I don’t mind waiting. I like my job (finally), I have plenty of good friends and my family has survived (well, not in one piece but still…) So I guess, this year’s wish will be turned to a Birthday Prayer–A prayer to thank God for being cool enough to help me make my heart’s real desire, to come true. The method was pretty crazy if you ask me, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
41 days from now, another wish will be made. This will be my way of thanking God. I’ll reserve my wish, for someone else, who needs this wish far more than I ever would. This is for you, Master.
Previous Comments
ok TBB, now that you are all grown up, what do your shoes look like now? If you need another pair or two, I’ll buy them for you. What brands do you like? what’s ur size? wide or regular width? I’m serious, na! i’m rich, my mom & dad bought me everything moneycould buy..but ain’t as lucky as you, you have a mom who dearly loves you..that alone would have sufficed for me..i didn’t need the things money could buy, just their love ,attention, & their time..i’d rather would have walked in your shoes, worn-out had they been!!!
Posted by buddy at July 5, 2007, 8:11 amhey pards, thanks for being such a really good friend. with friends like you, who needs enemies (IM KIDDIN!!!) no im no great, just good-lookin (im getting carried away so don’t spoil the momentum)
TBB
Posted by bitterbastard at July 5, 2007, 9:25 amhey buddy,
My shoes are quite better, thanks for asking.
yea, i couldn’t have said it any better myself. i can even remember walking out the court room with my eldest brother, who promised me that they will fill in for all the love that my dad won’t be able to give. And they were true to their promise–my mom, majority of my brothers (don’t ask)
All these may have been the reasons why I grew up without an NBI record or somethin.
And actually that’s the point of the story… I was thinking that money will make us happy. It wouldn’t hurt if I get to buy a little more than what’s necessary but we know better.
I guess everyone have their own stories to tell and, i’d like to hear yours! (this may be a start of a really neat blog)
Peace out,
TBB
P.S. US size 12, medium width IM KIDDIN
Posted by bitterbastard at July 5, 2007, 9:45 amI read this in one of Max Lucado’s devotionals:
“God can turn any tragedy into triumph, if only you will wait and watch”
You should really feel blessed my friend, you turned out ok 
In everything, give thanks..
Posted by FJ at July 7, 2007, 12:59 amhey when’s ur bday? how come i dont know?
Posted by alohapenny at July 9, 2007, 12:20 amhaha alohapenny try doing some math for starters..41 days from when this blog was published haha
Posted by TBB at August 4, 2007, 4:03 pmHmm. I never thought these words could come out from a bitterbastard’s heart. You’re one interesting person (for a first impression). Live well.
i guess there’s always more than what meets the eye, then. glad you could drop by..
Posted by TBB at October 22, 2007, 9:55 amaround a year later, someone has come across this blog. who would’ve thought it’s about the same time that this blog was published? yeah, im just a stranger but i want to greet u a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! at least, someone greeted u 40 days in advance. ;p
Posted by fc at July 5, 2008, 2:41 pmi will never forget you after this comment. thanks. i appreciate it. identify yourself, fc…
Posted by TBB at July 5, 2008, 10:35 pmit’s feliza charisse…u’re welcome!
Posted by fc at July 6, 2008, 7:33 pmis this real you tbb?
heaven you are indeed lucky, you know why?…because your ability to share your life is already a gift..it is an eye opener to everyone’s mind.
We should hate rules and demands sometimes, this leads us confused while searching our own destiny.
You are young and full of I think dreams..your horizon is broad than the sea and higher than the mountain.
Good luck to your life.
Posted by HORNET at September 29, 2008, 1:00 pmWe should hate rules and demands sometimes, –> what made you say this?
Posted by TBB at September 29, 2008, 6:02 pmWe should hate rules and demands sometimes, –> what made you say this?
What I am trying to say is…we are doing things for the benefit of the persons who sorrounds us, who set rules and demands, that we will wear our mask just to please them.
This normally happen when the we can’t decide for our own, when we are struggling and looking at the person who is able to give “reason”, reason that we hold…even it is not fitting. Too late to realize that we are a prisoner of their rules and demands.
uh, that’s not exactly how i look at it but i’ll have it your way. 
its been like two years since i visited your blog TBB good thing i bookmarked it! thanks for sharing this story. i really like it. kudos
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who would have thought..? i never imagined you were “that” kid before.. well, you turned out ok anyway.. no, not just ok.. more like GREAT even! advanced happy birthday my BEST bestfriend!
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