No Sex Tonight

I THINK I SHOULD EMPHASIZE: This was an e-mail sent to me 2 years ago.–TBB

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ somuch.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never
figured
out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the
passion
starts to heat up, and she eventually says “I don’t feel like it, I just
want you to hold me.”

I said “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…
“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy
your physical needs as a man.” She responded to my puzzled look by saying,
“Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the
bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day

I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went
out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department
store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive
outfits.
She couldn’t decide which one to take so I told her we’d just buy them all.
She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each
outfit.

We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings.
Let me tell you…she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave
short of
a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a
tennis
bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her
for a loop
when I said, “That’s fine, honey.”

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel
like it.”
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?”

I then said “honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re
just not in
touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your
shopping needs
as a woman.” And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me,
I added,
“Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either.